


Wasn't Expecting You

by Soph_Writes_118



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soph_Writes_118/pseuds/Soph_Writes_118
Summary: Buck knew that Eddie would feel lost with Christopher away at camp. So when he turned up unannounced with pizza and beers, he was only there to hang out, to help Eddie fill some of the empty hours. It’s what any best friend would do, right? And yes, he might have gone a bit overboard buying two six-packs of beer. And maybe they threw them back like they’d just turned twenty-one. How could he have foreseen that?Set just after the end of Season 3.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 84
Kudos: 418





	1. Wasn’t Expecting That

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write Eddie’s version of the chat Buck and Maddie had at the end of ‘The One That Got Away (S3 Ep 16). That kind of spiralled, then it merged with another story, and now it’s a monster. Kudos to you if you get through all 6000+ words of this!

Buck knew that Eddie would feel lost with Christopher away at camp. So when he turned up unannounced with pizza and beers, he was only there to hang out, to help Eddie fill some of the empty hours. It’s what any best friend would do, right? How could he have possibly foreseen the outcome?

Four beers down their chat turned heavy.

“I met up with Abby last week.”

Buck blurted it out, almost like a confession. Eddie glanced up, surprised at the sudden change of topic. He felt a scowl threatening to surface, and forced it back. It wasn’t his place to judge Buck’s ex. It was none of his business what went on with Buck and Abby. Even though she was the reason Buck had risked his life, _again_ , in order to bring the man who’d replaced him safely home. Buck could have died rescuing Abby’s fiancé Sam at the train car derailment. Eddie still hadn’t quite forgiven her for putting his best friend in that position. But he couldn’t tell Buck that.

“Oh yeah? How did that go?”

“Awful,” Buck admitted, with a bark of laughter. He gulped a mouthful of beer. “We used to talk for hours on the phone, about everything, and now it’s like she’s becoming a stranger to me again. I feel like she moved on and became this whole new person, while I was just treading water. I shut myself down to any chance of happiness because I was waiting for her, and now it feels like everyone’s moved on without me...even her.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Buck,” Eddie said quietly. “She should have told you that she was never coming back. Abby left you hanging on because it was convenient for her, and that’s not fair.”

“So you don’t think it was dumb to believe that my ‘invisible girlfriend’ was coming back, even when it was obvious to everyone else that she never would?”

Eddie pulled a face as he remembered saying words to that effect to Buck, nearly two years ago.

“Look, I shouldn’t have said that. We didn’t know each other that well back then. And you’re not dumb, Buck. You were holding onto hope.”

Eddie’s gaze dropped briefly to his left hand, where his wedding band used to sit.

“We’ve all been guilty of that.”

Buck picked at the label of his bottle.

“She told me she wanted to come back, because she missed me.”

Eddie hated the forlorn expression on Buck’s face.

“So why didn’t she come back? She had no right to tell you that, Buck.”

“She said she was afraid she would lose herself again if she came home to me.”

Eddie huffed out a breath and took a sip of beer, forcibly reminded of Shannon. She lost herself waiting for him to come home from war, lost herself in being Christopher’s sole carer. And then her mother got ill, and she lost herself in caring for someone else again, with no time left in between to look after herself.

OK, so maybe he could begrudgingly understand why Abby took off. But that was still no excuse for acting the way she had, for leaving Buck hanging on all this time with no explanation, no closure. At some point, she would have known that she didn’t intend to come back. She should have reached out to Buck and told him then. Surely she knew that he was hanging on here, waiting for her? Surely she knew that Buck was in love with her?

Did she even apologise for leaving you?” Eddie asked suddenly, surprised that these were the words that came out. Buck grimaced.

“She said she was sorry that I had to find out about Sam that way.”

Eddie snorted and shook his head.

“Sure, ’cause _that’s_ the bit that she should be sorry for.”

Buck sighed and took a gulp of beer, staring into space.

“You remember when we watched A Muppet’s Christmas Carol with Chris last Christmas?”

Eddie frowned and nodded slowly, not following his train of thought.

“There was a picture, in Red’s apartment, of him and Cindy when they were young. They even looked kinda like me and Abby. And it had been 40 years, but he never got over her. He just kept holding onto these memories, living in the past. And it feels like...Red is like my Ghost of Christmas Future. The life that’s waiting for me further down the line.”

Eddie looked down at his beer bottle, spinning it idly between his fingers across the table.

“You’re not going to end up like him, you know.”

“What?”

Eddie looked up and met Buck’s gaze.

“Red. He’s not you, 40 years from now.”

Buck looked away, folding his arms protectively in front of himself.

“What if it is though? You should have seen his apartment, Eddie. It was like a shrine to his fire house, to his job. It was all he wanted to talk about. Just like me.”

“You’re not like that, Buck. You just love your job, and that’s a good thing. A lot of people never find something they love, they just work to pay the bills and get by.”

Buck gave a bitter laugh and took another swig of beer.

“But there’s a fine line, isn’t there? Between working to live and living to work. You guys all have lives outside of work. What do I have besides my job? Who am I if I’m not a firefighter?”

Buck stared, unfocused, at the wall off to one side of Eddie.

“I know I can be a bit – much – and that it seems like work is my whole life, but I think I do that because it’s the closest thing I have to a family. And I know the 118 means a lot more to me than it does to anyone else – Hen and Chim made it clear the other day that things change and people move on –”

“And I told you,” Eddie said, surprising himself with the passion in his voice. “That’s not going to happen to _us_.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“No, Buck, I mean it. I can’t promise that Hen and Chim won’t move on with their lives one day, but I guarantee that Christopher and I will always be there for you. You’re not the only one who found a family in the 118.”

Buck looked over at him, sipping his beer. Eddie continued.

“Chimney once asked me if I thought it was weird that we all spent so much time together at work, and then chose to still hang out together outside of work. And maybe it would be weird in some jobs, but with us...have you heard that saying about the family you’re born into and the family you choose?”

“Yeah, I’ve always liked that saying. My parents...” Buck trailed off and a shadow passed over his face. It was gone in an instant, like a fast-moving cloud. “Well, I have Maddie. We don’t need them anymore. But I guess I never stopped looking for the ideal family to replace them. And the 118 is the closest I’ve ever found to that.”

Eddie frowned but said nothing. Buck had never mentioned his parents before, never volunteered information on them. Even though he desperately wanted to know what had driven the Buckley siblings thousands of miles away from their parents, to the opposite side of the country, he decided not to push it tonight.

“I told Chim that the 118 is the family we chose,” he said, draining his beer and holding out a hand for Buck’s empty bottle. Buck still looked a little unbalanced at the mention of his parents, so Eddie gave him a few moments to process, while he got them fresh beers from the fridge and placed one in front of Buck. Only after he’d sat back down and taken the first gulp did he continue.

“After Shannon left, my parents wanted to take Christopher. They wanted him to live with them full-time. Said they were the only consistent thing in his life – better than his flaky parents I guess.”

Eddie scowled down at his beer at the memory. “You’ve met them, how did they seem to you?”

“Nice enough,” Buck hedged diplomatically.

“Yeah? Probably because they were in public. When Shannon died, they tried to get me to move back to El Paso. They’ve never acknowledged that I can do this, that I can look after my son by myself. They thought I just took off to California chasing Shannon, and when she was gone they didn’t see any reason for me to stick around.”

Buck shook his head but stayed silent, watching him.

“But they were wrong,” Eddie told him. “Because in a year I found everything I needed out here. And Shannon didn’t even come into it. I already had my abuela. And then I met the 118. And you introduced me to Carla. In all of you, I found a family who didn’t judge me, who didn’t think I was doing a terrible job of raising my kid. They supported me, they backed my choices and made it easier for me and Chris. And you were a huge part of that, Buck.”

Emboldened by the beer, Eddie reached across the table and clamped a hand onto Buck’s wrist.

“Christopher and I...we are your family, Buck. As long as we’re here, you never have to feel alone. You have done so much for us, you have no idea...you will always be a part of our family.”

Buck’s eyes seemed bluer than normal, glistening in the overhead lights.

“Jeez, you’re gonna make a guy cry, Eddie,” he joked, though Eddie heard the emotion in his voice. “I thought you weren’t good with words.”

Eddie’s thumb rubbed Buck’s wrist automatically, hardly aware that he he was doing it. They smiled at each other, and the air grew suddenly heavier. Buck broke the silence first, starting back in his chair and freeing his hand from Eddie’s.

“Ah, it’s getting late. I should go.”

He rose unsteadily to his feet and headed for the front door, collecting his shoes and jacket and perching on the edge of the sofa to put them on.

“Thanks for tonight, Eddie. I’ll text you tomorrow – maybe we could grab a coffee in the afternoon? I know you have all these empty hours to fill without Chris, and I am happy to be a good friend and babysit my second-favourite Diaz.”

Eddie hadn’t said anything the whole time. Buck didn’t seem to notice, shoving his trainers on and unlocking his phone to order a cab. Finally, Eddie managed to put the one dominant thought in his head into words.

“Stay.”

Buck froze halfway through putting his jacket on. He glanced back at his best friend, confused.

“What?”

Eddie rose slowly to his feet.

“Stay over.”

He could see the temptation flicker briefly across Buck’s eyes before he shook his head.

“Look, I don’t want to be any trouble, I’ll just call an Uber-”

“Please,” Eddie said quietly.

That pulled Buck up short. He looked at Eddie with an unreadable expression. Eddie kept talking while he still felt bold enough to go through with his request. “I know you could use the company tonight, and so could I.”

Buck held his gaze for a few moments, as if he was searching Eddie’s face for the answer to an unspoken question. Finally he nodded.

“OK.”

**_Two hours later_ **

“I can’t take your bed, Eddie.”

“Sure you can. I’ll just take the couch.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch in your own house.”

“Well I think we’re at an impasse then, Buck. Because I insist you take the bed.”

“ _Impasse_...I’m impressed, _Edmundo_...that’s an awfully big word for someone who’s six beers down.”

“I’m surprised you even know what that word means, _Evan_.”

Eddie got up and moved down the corridor, oblivious to the impact of that one word. Buck stared after him. No one besides Maddie ever called him Evan. He always preferred to be called Buck. But something about hearing Eddie say his name out loud...he could get used to it.

Slowly, trying to clear his head, Buck followed Eddie into his bedroom.

“Here, I’ll find you some clothes to wear. We’re close enough in size, my clothes should fit you.”

Eddie fumbled in his closet while Buck stumbled across the room to examine a framed photo on the wall. It showed Christopher, Eddie and Buck in the fire house last Christmas: Buck and Eddie in their uniforms stood either side of the pinball machine, Chris leaning against it in between them with his megawatt smile. They looked like a family. Buck’s heart ached as he stared at it.

“I didn’t know you had this up in here,” he said softly.

Eddie turned around with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in his hands, followed Buck’s gaze to the picture.

“Yeah. Abuela took a great photo. Especially for a seventy year-old who claims not to know how a camera phone works. Catch.”

He pitched the clothes over, only throwing slightly wide. Buck lunged for them and hit the mattress like a soccer goalie.

“Ooh, why is the world spinning?” he said woozily, as the mattress bounced under him. “Are we having an earthquake?”

Eddie laughed as Buck fought the after-effects of beer and a mattress dive and attempted to get back into a sitting position whilst keeping the contents of his stomach internal.

“Quit laughing and help me out here, man.”

Eddie approached slowly, eyebrows arched and lips curved into a smile.

“Now who’s the lightweight?”

“Hey, I take my health and fitness seriously. That means drinking only in moderation. And there was nothing moderate about the way you downed that six-pack. It’s a good job I brought two.”

“What, so you could match me drink for drink?”

“Help me up.”

“Fine,” Eddie snorted, reaching out an arm to Buck to pull him to his feet. But they were both laughing and unsteady on their feet, so perhaps it was inevitable when Buck slipped and tumbled backwards, dragging Eddie down with him. His reflexes shot to hell, Eddie only managed to put an arm out in time to brace himself and avoid headbutting Buck in the face. But they were still chest to chest on the mattress, faces close enough to smell the beer on each other’s breath, legs tangled together like vines. Their smiles faded a little as they stared at each other.

“Why don’t we both take the bed?” Buck said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. Worried that his weight might be crushing the air out of Buck, Eddie rolled to the side. How about that, the mattress did seem to make the world spin. That must be it. Not the amount of beer churning through his system, or his close proximity to Buck, or the fact that Buck had just suggested that they sleep together that night. Nope, definitely the mattress.

“What?” Eddie asked, stalling. Buck’s drunk logic was on top form as he explained, with lots of pointing.

“You want _me_ to sleep in the bed.” He pointed down. “I want _you_ to sleep in the bed.” Another point down. “Neither of us want the other one to take the couch.” He pointed through the wall in the vague direction of the living room. “Neither of us would fit in Christopher’s bed.” He pointed the other way. “So the only option seems to be that we share _this_ bed.”

He pointed down again, and Eddie’s stomach swooped with it. He should have stopped at two beers. It had been so long since he got drunk that his tolerance was all but gone. How had they ended up with this the only logical solution? Eddie hadn’t shared a bed in years. And he’d never shared a bed with _Buck_ before. He wasn’t sure which point made him more nervous. He sat up slowly, putting a bit of distance between them so he could try and think clearly.

“You kick. I’ve seen you in the bunk room on a night shift.”

Buck threw him a look of mock outrage.

“I’ll have you know I’m very well-behaved when I’m sharing a bed with someone else.” He arched an eyebrow at Eddie. “Do you often watch me sleep on night shifts?”

Eddie felt a flush steal across his neck, and prayed that Buck couldn’t see it.

“Hard not to hear you thrashing around when you’re in the bunk next to mine. Bobby had to check one time that that’s all you were doing.”

“ _Please_ , I’d never do something that like at work. I am the model of professionalism at work.”

“Sure thing, Mr ‘I Slept With My Therapist’.”

“Hey, let’s not open that door again, Mr ‘I Beat Up A Handicapped Man Over A Parking Space.’”

“He wasn’t handicapped!”

Buck smirked at the rise.

“Anyway, I’ll have you know that I am a _delight_ to share a bed with.”

Eddie sighed as if Buck had worn him down, even though he knew this was a foregone conclusion from the second Buck had said the words.

“Fine. But if you start kicking in the night, you’re on the couch.”

“Deal.”

Eddie shut himself in the bathroom to change and brush his teeth, and to put several walls between them while Buck changed, so his eyes couldn’t wander and get him into trouble. This had to be a bad idea, but somehow he could no longer bring himself to care. Alcohol had dulled his usual caution and reserve. Friends could share a bed and it not mean anything, right? They were probably just going to pass out anyway after all that beer. The biggest risk that he was taking tonight was the chance of a bruised rib or a black eye from one of Buck’s ridiculously long, flailing limbs. He’d survived a helicopter crash, an earthquake, being shot at, being buried alive. This should be easy.

As he returned to the bedroom, Eddie’s stomach lurched at the sight of Buck waiting in bed for him, and he almost changed his mind on the spot and headed for the couch instead. But somehow, his feet still found their way to his side of the bed, and he still turned back the covers and climbed warily into bed beside Buck.

The first thing Eddie noticed was the temperature. He’d forgotten the extra heat another body could add to a cold bed. And Buck was giving off heat like a furnace. Eddie knew he’d regret wearing sweatpants, but there were limited other options that still involved clothes, and their clothes had to remain on at all costs.

Eddie couldn’t remember ever being so acutely aware of someone else’s presence before. Every time Buck moved, even minutely, the mattress echoed it, ripples of movement travelling across the space between them. He’d always been aware of Buck: he’d developed a finely honed sense of where his best friend was at all times, especially in the field, where their lives could, quite literally, depend on it. But this was something else all together. Had it felt like this the first time he shared a bed with Shannon? It was difficult to peel back the years now and remember, much less separate fact from teenage hormones.

Now, every nerve seemed to be on high alert. How was he ever going to sleep when his whole body felt like an aerial tuned in to Radio Buck?

Buck didn’t seem to have the same problem. No sooner had he shot Eddie a grin that made his stomach flip, and murmured “Good night, Eddie,” then he was out cold. And, thanks to that six-pack of beer, sleep eventually caught up with Eddie too. However, peaceful oblivion was short-lived, and in the darkest hours of the night he was jolted awake by Buck, thrashing and kicking like he was drowning. One particularly painful kick to the shin had Eddie regretting his life choices, about to climb out of bed and claim the couch. Then Buck spoke in his sleep.

“Christopher.”

Eddie started. Buck’s movements made more sense now. Was he dreaming about the tsunami? Eddie felt a twinge of guilt for never asking Buck how he was doing with surviving a natural disaster. In the aftermath, all his attention had been on Christopher, trying to get him to process the trauma and work through it. And then Buck filed that lawsuit, and Eddie turned to Lena Bosko and fighting to block Buck from his mind. By the time they made up, the time when they might have talked about the tsunami had passed, and they never brought it up again.

Buck thrashed again and cried out.

“ _Eddie_. Cap, we’ve gotta go down there. My fault, shouldn’t have let him go...”

Eddie leaned over, and his heart gave a wrench at the terror and pain contorting Buck’s face, even in sleep.

“You all think he’s dead...he’s not, he can’t be...”

Taking a deep breath, hardly trusting himself, Eddie curled an arm around Buck, and he stilled almost instantly.

“Eddie?”

“I’m here, Buck,” Eddie murmured. “You just had a nightmare.”

“I lost Christopher again,” Buck’s voice was still sleepy and panicked, without a trace of his usual confidence. “And you were back underground...in the well. I couldn’t find either of you, and the water was rising, and I didn’t know who to look for first...”

Buck shuddered, and Eddie pulled him closer, folding his body around him protectively. Buck gripped his arms like Eddie was a life raft and he was drowning out at sea.

“It’s OK, Buck. It was just a bad dream. Christopher’s safe. You didn’t let anybody down. You never let anybody down.”

Eddie rubbed Buck’s arm, trying to soothe the dreams from his mind. For a few moments, they were both silent, and Eddie could feel the tension slowly draining from Buck’s body.

“Do you get those nightmares a lot?” he asked.

“Sometimes. Doesn’t help if I’ve been drinking.”

“Alcohol complicates everything,” Eddie muttered.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Buck laughed, and Eddie recognised his own words repeated back to him again.

“I’m sorry I never asked how you were doing with the tsunami,” he said. “I was focused on Chris...”

“And then I sued the department. It’s cool, Eddie, don’t worry. Chris needed that support, not me.” Buck laughed, sounding more like himself. “I mean, it’s not exactly my first near-death experience.”

“Yeah, and you make a habit of them way too often for my liking,” Eddie muttered.

“I need to give Bobby something to worry about. I can’t help that the rest of you are too perfect to cause him any problems. Well, apart from that time you almost killed a guy with your bare hands...”

“Yeah, yeah, alright. What do you always say – I was going through a phase, OK?”

“Whatever you say, soldier.”

It took a tremendous effort on Eddie’s part not to react to the sound of that phrase falling from Buck’s lips. How could one word, that he’d heard and said hundreds of times, sound so different coming from Buck? How could that simple sentence make him feel completely undone? The beer, it had to be the beer messing with his head. And the fact that he was pressed so close to Buck that he could actually feel his heartbeat under his hands.

Maybe Buck could feel Eddie tense around him, because he changed the subject. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a helpful change of subject.

“So, why am I waking up in your arms, Eddie? I didn’t have you down as a teddy bear or comfort blanket kind of guy.”

Eddie thanked the gods that Buck wasn’t facing him to see the flush he could feel stealing across his face and neck.

“I told you, you kick,” he mumbled. “This is personal safety.”

“I knew you’d be into restraints in bed,” Buck murmured, a hint of laughter in his voice. And that was it for Eddie’s attempts to sleep.

“Excuse me?”

“Kidding. Night.”

Buck rolled very slightly away from Eddie, turning his face into the pillow. Eddie gripped his arm and pulled him back against him.

“Oh no, you don’t get to drop a line like that and then go back to sleep.”

“Hey, I just had a nightmare, leave me alone.”

“At what point did you imagine me in bed, Buck? And how did restraints come into it?”

“I’m so drunk, Eddie, you can’t expect me to answer that question.”

Eddie responded before his brain could catch up with his mouth.

“Well, I’m not exactly sober,” he said quietly.

Eddie felt Buck tense against him, heard his breath catch. Buck turned his head to face him, and those blue eyes locked onto his. They were so close that Eddie’s heart stuttered, and he swallowed.

“Do you want to know how I deal with them?” he asked, barely able to form the words under the scrutiny of Buck’s gaze. “The nightmares?”

“You get nightmares?”

“I went to war, Buck. Of course I have nightmares.”

Slowly, Buck twisted to face him, propping his head up on one ridiculously toned arm. Eddie let his own arms drop and mirrored Buck’s position, glad to have a bit of space between them again so he could think straight. They stared at each other, still close enough that Eddie could feel the heat radiating off Buck.

“How do you unsee all the things you’ve seen?” Buck asked quietly. His voice ached with unspoken pain, so earnest and full of longing that Eddie longed to give him an easy answer and make him feel better.

“You can’t,” he admitted. “At least, I’ve never been able to. You just learn to block them out with the good stuff. Remind yourself of the memories you got to make because you lived.”

The amber street lights diffused Buck’s skin with a soft glow. Without really thinking about it, maybe spurred on by the beer charging through his system, Eddie reached out his free hand and started tracing light patterns across Buck’s free arm, which filled the narrow gap between them on the mattress. Buck didn’t react, as if Eddie running his hand over his arm was the most natural thing in the world.

“What do you see?” he whispered. Eddie kept his eyes on his hand as he answered.

“Christopher. The 118. You.”

“Me?”

The hope in Buck’s voice caught fast in Eddie’s heartstrings. He slowly lifted his eyes to meet Buck’s.

“Yeah, you.”

Eddie’s fingertips reached the back of Buck’s wrist, in this incomprehensible pattern he was tracing without following. Buck flipped his hand over and caught hold of Eddie’s hand, stilling the movement. He let go briefly and slid his arm across the mattress, lining up their hands palm to palm, before carefully linking their fingers. He waited for Eddie to let go, to back away. In response, Eddie tightened his grip, surprised at how natural it felt to be holding Buck’s hand.

“You said before that you didn’t know who you were if you weren’t a firefighter,” he said. “Is that why you took Bobby benching you so badly?”

“Yeah, I guess so. That and not feeling like one of the team anymore. It’s like being kicked out of the only club you ever wanted to be a part of.”

Buck dropped his eyes to their interlinked hands on the bed between them as he spoke.

“Being a firefighter...it makes me feel like I matter, like I’m important, somehow. Being a firefighter is who I am, it’s my identity. Without that, I don’t know who I am.”

Eddie’s heart ached for his best friend, as so many little aspects of Buck’s character suddenly made sense. The constant search for approval and validation. Prioritising others above himself. Going above and beyond without thinking of his own safety. Being a firefighter was the only way he felt wanted or needed. Without it, he viewed himself as expendable. Eddie felt a brief flash of anger at Buck’s parents. He had a shrewd idea that they were the reason Buck viewed himself so carelessly. He wished he could undo the damage they had caused, that he could make Buck realise just how much he mattered.

“You’re that person without the uniform, Buck. You don’t save lives and care for people because it’s just a job. It’s a calling. It’s who you are.”

Eddie gently tugged his hand free of Buck’s, and reached across the gap between them. He touched his fingertips lightly to Buck’s chin, and tilted his head up so that their eyes met.

“You can be reckless. You charge into danger without thinking about yourself, like you don’t matter. But you are the bravest man I’ve ever met. You’re the most compassionate person I’ve ever known. And you do matter, Buck. You have no idea how much.”

Buck’s face lit up in a soft smile Eddie hadn’t seen before. He felt his lips curving into a matching smile in response, as the charge in the air between them amped up again, so thick Eddie thought he would be able to touch it if he tried.

Buck lifted his hand to meet Eddie’s, and lowered it down to the mattress. He traced his fingers lightly across Eddie’s palm and wrist, so gently to start that he could barely feel it. Slowly, Buck’s hand slid up Eddie’s arm, over his shoulder and across his collarbone. His fingers glided like trails of fire across Eddie’s bare skin, up his neck, to cup the side of his face. His eyes never left Eddie’s.

There wasn’t much space between them, but Buck closed the gap anyway, rolling in close so that their chests lay flush against each other. Eddie had split seconds to register the feeling of his heart hammering against his ribs, and the warmth of Buck’s breath across his cheek. The beer left no room for doubt and inhibitions, so instinct took over as Eddie closed his eyes and Buck’s lips grazed his.

At first, their lips brushed softly against each other, a little uncertain, somehow aware, through the haze of alcohol, that they were stepping over a line they could not come back from. But then Buck took a deep breath and pressed his lips more insistently against Eddie’s, and there was no chance of either one of them coming back after that.

Eddie felt his breath catch, and his hand tightened on Buck’s hip, pulling him closer. Buck coaxed Eddie’s mouth open with his, and their tongues collided. Eddie cupped the side of Buck’s face with one hand, and the other travelled down planes of hard muscle until it found a strip of warm, bare skin above the waistband of Buck’s borrowed sweatpants and below his t-shirt. Eddie traced the line back and forth with the pad of his thumb, and Buck pressed his hips insistently against Eddie’s in response. They both moaned at the contact, and Buck tugged at Eddie’s bottom lip with his teeth. Eddie’s hand pushed up the hem of Buck’s t-shirt, fingers gliding across his toned chest and stomach. Buck’s hand moved to the back of Eddie’s neck, dragging his short nails up and down the nape of his neck and making Eddie shiver. As he tilted his head back, Buck nipped at the sensitive skin of his neck and Eddie gasped. His hand returned to Buck’s hip, fingers slowly dipping below the waistband of his sweatpants. Buck’s breath hitched as Eddie’s fingers grazed against his hip.

“Eddie,” he gasped. Eddie met his gaze, eyes darker than Buck had ever seen them.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, a flicker of uncertainty in his voice.

“God no. But I don’t want you to do something you might regret in the morning.”

“How could I ever regret you?”

“Trust me, you could.”

They stared at each other, breathless.

“If you can tell me in the morning that you still want everything you want right now, it’s yours,” Buck promised, bracing his hands against Eddie’s shoulders. “But you can’t take something like this back.”

Eddie nodded slowly, and Buck leaned in and kissed him once more. This time it was different, not full of desperate passion, but slower, gentler. He kissed Eddie as if he were mapping his lips in his mind, committing the feel of them to his memory, like it might be the last time he would ever get to do it. Eddie responded, but all too soon Buck pulled away.

“Goodnight, Eddie.”

Eddie took Buck’s hand in his.

“I’ll still want this in the morning, you know,” he said.

“OK,” Buck whispered.

They fell asleep holding hands.

*****

Eddie woke before Buck. As he blinked away the harsh light filtering in around the curtains, his gaze fell on Buck’s sleeping form just in front of him. Hangover nausea and uncertainty circled overhead like vultures in the desert sky, but Eddie held them at bay for a few precious seconds and let himself watch his best friend sleep. The amber warmth of the streetlights had been replaced with a golden glow from the sun, illuminating Buck’s skin. Eddie’s heart thumped painfully against his chest, and he tried to commit the sight to memory. Because once he got out of this bed, everything would change.

Finally, he slipped silently from the room, to the bathroom and then to the kitchen, where he tried to make sense of last night. On the one hand, his stomach was doing somersaults. His skin tingled with the memory of Buck’s lips and hands on his body, and it took all he had not to walk right back into that bedroom and kiss Buck awake, to pick back up where they’d left off the night before.

And yet...

Eddie had been so sure last night of how he felt and what he wanted. But as the alcohol wore off, doubt crept in to replace certainty. Having feelings for another guy had never even crossed his mind. He’d been married to a woman, had a son with her. Every romantic feeling he’d ever had was always directed at a woman. Men had never come into the picture before. And he couldn’t say that he found men attractive in general. Just Buck. Was he just so out of the game with relationships that he had confused a close friendship with something more?

With a kick of self-loathing, he remembered Buck’s words from just a few hours ago.

_“If you can tell me in the morning that you still want everything you want right now, it’s yours. But you can’t take something like this back.”_

They’d already steamrollered over the line. But Buck had stopped them from going past the point of no return, knowing that Eddie would feel like this in the morning. Eddie hated that he was right. But the enormity of what they’d done was dawning on him, and more than anything he was afraid to lose his friendship with Buck. Eddie had once told Buck that sex complicated everything. And, last night, it had almost complicated the best friendship Eddie had ever had.

Buck had made himself indispensable to Eddie and Chris, and now Eddie couldn’t imagine their life in LA without him in it. Last night, he’d promised that he and Christopher would always be there for Buck, would be the family he felt so lost without. And now these feelings, feelings that he’d refused to acknowledge for so long, let alone act upon, had muddied the waters. And he didn’t know where they might lead, if he could allow himself to explore the possibility of a relationship. He could barely wrap his head around it, so how could he expect Buck to stick around with him while he figured it out? And this was _Buck_. His best friend. His partner. Christopher’s best friend. He couldn’t mess this up the way he had his marriage. They were friends, buddies, and that was how it had to stay.

Normally, Eddie prided himself on staying in control, in keeping his feelings locked down. Last night could have ruined everything he’d worked so hard to build here in LA the past two years, and he couldn’t let that happen again. He could put it down to beer and loneliness and a raging desire to get laid. His friendship with Buck was worth more than all of that. He couldn’t afford to risk the second best thing in his life. And, if he was honest with himself, he wasn’t ready to face the implications that these feelings brought with them either.

So, by the time he heard Buck stirring in the bedroom, he knew what he had to do. Hating himself for doing it, he schooled his face into a neutral expression and poured two glasses of orange juice, firing up the coffee maker.

Buck emerged from the hallway, groaning at the daylight. He looked pale and a little nervous, but opted for humour to break the ice.

“How did a six-pack of beer do this much damage? I feel wrecked.”

“Me too. Here.”

Eddie handed him a glass of orange juice, his expression casual and unreadable. Buck drained it, some of the colour coming back into his face, and put the glass down on the table. When the silence stretched on, he started dragging his finger around the rim of the glass, avoiding Eddie’s gaze.

“Eddie, about last night...”

“Look, things got a little out of hand, for both of us,” Eddie said quickly, bringing out the lines he had carefully rehearsed in his head. “Forget about it. Nothing’s changed. We’re cool.”

Buck nodded, not meeting his eye.

“Sure. Cool. Fine.”

He looked up briefly, and for one moment Eddie thought he saw disappointment flicker across his face. But then it was gone, hidden away behind a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Remind me to stop at three beers next time, hey?”

“Tell me about it. I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover, I’m out of practice.”

*****

So they acted like it never happened. It was harder to manage when Buck felt like he’d been plugged into an electric current every time he and Eddie brushed past each other at work. And it was harder to do when their eyes met, on a call or at the dinner table or in the back of the truck, and Eddie felt like he might lose himself in the depths of Buck’s gaze. But they persevered for the sake of their friendship and, somehow, no one else at work picked up on the lingering tension between them.

And then, when Eddie ran into Ana Flores at the grocery store the following week, he told himself that he could fix everything. And when he dropped into conversation over breakfast the next day that he had a date, the 118 reacted as he expected, with jokes and enthusiasm. But he missed the worried glances they darted at Buck. And he missed the pain behind Buck’s smile as he wished Eddie luck on his date. And they all missed Buck slipping quietly away during their 24 shift to hide out on the roof, to stare out at the sky over Los Angeles where the stars never shine, and let the tears fall.

**_To be continued…_ **


	2. Just Thought You Should Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the fire fam get involved, Buck leaves a drunken voicemail, and Eddie has some much-needed conversations about love. Because let’s face it, Buck and Eddie need all the help they can get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2! The word count got a little out of control, I'm really sorry...but hopefully it resolves the angsty cliffhanger of Part 1.
> 
> The title for Part 2 is taken from the brilliant song 'Just Thought You Should Know’, by Betty Who. I've borrowed some of the lyrics, which you’ll see scattered throughout in italics. I was listening to the song on repeat when this story came into my head and just wouldn’t leave.
> 
> (As I’ve been inspired by a song, you might have to suspend reality a tiny bit. For example, I know there’s no chance Maddie would be out til 3am when sober and pregnant, but for the lyrics to fit, she took one for the team!)

**One month later**

Of course it was alcohol that was Buck’s undoing again. He should have learned after the last time. But with nearly a month of watching on as Eddie and Ana started dating, he was close to breaking point. He tried to find someone to date too, someone to take his mind off his best friend. But he was so out of practice, so far removed from Buck 1.0, that it held even less appeal than it used to. The handful of dates he managed to arrange burnt out within the first hour.

And then they all went out for Albert’s birthday...

**  
8PM – Maddie**

“Eddie!” Chim called. Buck, sat beside Maddie, tensed and sat up a little straighter. As Eddie and Ana appeared together from the bar with their drinks, Maddie thought she heard her brother sigh. She couldn’t miss the fortifying gulp he took of his beer, before plastering a smile on his face and calling out greetings with the rest of them. And she definitely saw him grimace as Ana touched Eddie’s knee during conversation, as he laughed down at her. Maddie leaned sideways, bumping her shoulder against Buck’s.

“You OK?” she asked quietly. He met her gaze but couldn’t hold it.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Across the table from them, Eddie pressed a kiss to Ana’s forehead, and Buck surged to his feet.

“Anyone need more drinks?”

**  
11PM – Buck**

Buck was really trying to act normal. He ribbed Chimney about impending fatherhood with Hen, sang karaoke with Maddie, and even played wingman to help Albert pick up a girl he’d been making eyes at across the bar. But, against his will, his eyes kept straying back to Eddie. And, inevitably, every time he did he was getting cosy with Ana. In response, Buck kept knocking back the beers, the only way he could deal with this new torture.

At around 11PM he saw Ana lean over and whisper into Eddie’s ear. Whatever she said, Eddie nodded and relaxed, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As Buck wove back to their table with another drink, Eddie and Ana got up.

“Well, I think we’re gonna take off,” Eddie said.

“You’re leaving already?” Buck asked, torn between relief and the desperate need for them to stay.

“We’ve got to pick up Christopher in the morning, and it’s getting late,” Ana said, with a fond smile up at Eddie. He put an arm around her and Buck’s expression darkened, his hand tightening around his beer bottle. The others chorused their goodbyes, and Eddie held up one hand in a wave, before he and Ana turned and headed for the door.

“Anyone for shots?” Buck muttered.  
  
  
 **1AM – Hen**

“So, you’re taking this well,” Hen said, sliding into a seat beside Buck.

“Huh?”

“Eddie having a new girlfriend. I’m surprised you didn’t Hulk Smash your beer bottle with your bare hands when they left.”

“Hey, Eddie’s a free agent. Who he goes out with isn’t any of my...business.” Buck picked up the shot glass again and inspected the inside to make sure he’d got every last drop out. “Anyone for more tequila?”

“Maybe you should stick to the softer stuff,” Hen said, shoving a glass of water at him. Buck flapped a hand dismissively at her.

“I can handle it. If I can sit here and not think about Eddie going home tonight with his girlfriend...going to bed with her...then I can handle another drink.”

“Oh Buck. This is really eating you up, isn’t it?”

For all the jokes she and Chim made about Buck and Eddie, Hen had never actually spoken to either of them about their blatantly obvious feelings for each other. She’d always assumed they’d figure it out on their own one day, and respected their privacy enough to leave them to it. But now Buck met her gaze, and Hen felt her heart go out to him. Anyone could see how cut up and heartsick he looked. Then his expression crumpled altogether.

“I really like him, Hen,” he whispered brokenly.

“I know,” she said softly, pulling him into a hug.  
  
  
 **3AM – Buck**

As they stumbled out of the bar into the cool night air, Buck extracted his phone with some difficulty from his pocket. After a couple of tries he managed to unlock the screen and navigate to his contacts. He pressed the call button before he could think better of it, and waited as the phone rang. And rang. And finally clicked through to voicemail.

Of course. Eddie was busy with Ana. Probably asleep beside her right now. Buck’s stomach twisted uncomfortably at the thought. The automated voice spoke to him.

“Leave a message after the tone. When you’ve finished you can hang up.”

_Beep!_

“Hey Eddie.”

“What are you doing there, Buckaroo?” Chim asked, picking up on the use of Eddie’s name.

“ _3AM and all my friends are looking at me sideways...”_ Buck glanced back at their group, all of whom had stopped to watch him. _“Give me a minute.”_ He turned back to his phone. _“Maybe I'm too drunk and I'm not doing this the right way…but let me finish.”_

Buck took a breath and tried to order the thoughts crowding his head.

“I’m sorry to call so late. I know you’ll be busy with Ana – probably why you’re not answering your phone. Must be getting serious, man – she’s coming on nights out, meeting the team, staying over. And that’s great. Because you really deserve to be happy. _And I'm so happy that you're happy with her...wait, that's a lie.”_

“What’s he doing?” Maddie asked.

“Whatever it is, I don’t want to watch,” Chimney said, covering his eyes with his hands.  
 _“Almost called you, tried to text you like a million times. 3AM but I don't care, I had to tell you someday...the way I'm feeling.”_

“What do we do?” Hen hissed at Chimney.

“If we all rush him at once, we might be able to get the phone out of his hand.”

“Have you ever tried to take on Drunk Buck before?” Maddie asked.

“You’re not doing anything, you can stay back there. I’m not letting my pregnant girlfriend try and take out her gym bunny brother. He can press self-destruct on every relationship he has before that happens.”

“I’m not sure I like your odds either,” Hen said doubtfully, eyeing Chimney, who was swaying slightly on Maddie’s arm.

“Well that’s because you two had me match him shot for shot!”

“I hoped it might slow him down,” Maddie said, glancing anxiously back at Buck.

“You’d better be ready to hold my hair back when I throw up later,” Chim warned her.

Oblivious to all of them, Buck was still talking.

“It’s funny, because not so long ago I was the one lying next to you, in your bed, where she is now. I was the one waking up in your arms, falling asleep holding your hand. And I was the one kissing you, not her.”

_I can still feel you, you're everywhere. I can taste your lips, hear your voice in my head._

“Maybe you’ve blocked it out, but I haven’t. I can’t. And maybe that night meant nothing to you. And I’m sorry if you’re not in the same place I am. But I thought...when you kissed me back...it felt like something more. I felt whole for the first time in a _really_ long time. And then I woke up the next morning, and you acted like nothing had happened. You brushed it all off, and the next thing I know you’re going out with her.

And the dumb thing is, I knew you were going to do that. I _knew_. And that’s why I stopped you, when you tried to go further. Because I knew that this would destroy us, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted you so badly, and I’ve hidden it away for so long, but that night I just couldn’t control myself any more. And that’s on me. Because I knew that you would freak out the next day. And now everything’s changed.

You’re in my head, you’re under my skin. And I can’t get you out, Eddie. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to be happy for you. I thought I could meet someone else too, that I would get over this. But it seems there’s no getting over you. I think...” Buck’s voice caught as he tilted his head to the night sky and took a deep breath. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“We’ve gotta do something,” Hen said urgently. They all lunged for the phone, but Buck swerved each of them, using his extra height to his advantage and stretching up onto his toes, out of reach.

“ _And I know that I should shut my mouth and just hang up the phone, but I still want you. I just thought you should know...”_

Finally, he let the phone drop a little, and Chimney wrenched it out of his hand and ended the call. Buck looked around at his friends, all of whom were gaping at him.

“Oh Buck,” Hen whispered. Chimney just stared, his jaw hanging open. Maddie’s eyes glistened with tears. Slowly, reality sobered Buck up.

“What have I done?”  
  
  
 **4AM – Chimney**

Maddie’s apartment was the logical choice. Assuming he hadn’t gone home with the girl from the bar, Albert was already crashing on the couch at Chimney’s – he probably wouldn’t be keen to share it with Buck, especially a drunk and heartbroken Buck. The Uber journey home seemed longer than normal, tension hanging heavy over the back of the cab. Maddie sat beside Buck, rubbing his arm comfortingly the whole way back. He spent the entire time with his face turned to the window, determinedly avoiding their gazes. Chimney realised why when a passing streetlight picked up the glistening trail of a tear down Buck’s cheek. Chim didn’t look over at Buck again after that. It seemed too much of an invasion of his privacy to watch him cry.

They’d barely crossed the threshold into Maddie’s apartment when Buck bolted for the bathroom. Maddie and Chimney grimaced as the sound of retching reached them.

“And I thought throwing up was your job lately,” Chim said. Maddie smiled grimly.

“I think I’d take pregnancy nausea over what Buck’s got,” she said sadly, as she poured Buck a glass of water.

Maddie sat on the floor outside the bathroom door and waited patiently for her brother. She had a whole speech lined up, full of comforting words and platitudes, but when the bathroom door finally opened and Buck appeared, looking utterly miserable, she couldn’t bring herself to say any of it. She just stood and hugged him tightly instead.

Once they’d installed Buck on the sofa, with blankets and a wastepaper basket close by, just in case, Maddie and Chimney headed to the sanctuary of her bedroom. As soon as he closed the door, Chimney turned to Maddie with a low whistle.

“So, how was your night?”

Maddie blew out a breath and shook her head.

“I’ve never seen Buck like this before. What do we do?”

Chim rubbed his face.

“I’ve only seen him go off the rails like this once before: the night we nearly lost Eddie in the well collapse. Though there was a lot less vomit and alcohol involved that time.”

Maddie sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, taking off her boots.

“I don’t know what he’ll do if Eddie reacts badly to this.” She looked up at Chimney. “You know him better than I do. How do you reckon he’ll take it?”

Chim frowned as he shrugged off his sweater and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“What you’ve gotta remember is that Eddie is a very private guy. It’s the soldier in him. He keeps his emotions walled off. The only time I see him affected by anything is if it relates to Christopher. Even when Shannon died he kept it together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry or lose control. The only person who knows Eddie well enough to be able to make an accurate guess at how he’ll take this is Buck. And you saw how he was on the way home. He’s already decided that this is it, that it’s all over.”  
  
  
 **5AM – Eddie**

Eddie couldn’t sleep. It was strange adjusting to someone else in his bed after so long alone. Even when he and Shannon were trying to make a go of things for the last time, she rarely stayed the night. Eddie had pretty much slept alone for five years, and it was jarring to readjust to someone else taking up space. He hadn’t slept well the few weeks he and Ana had been dating. But it wasn’t that electric, can’t-sleep-because-you’re-so-attracted-to-the-person-lying-beside-you feeling. It kind of felt like he was just going through the motions. Although she was very different from Shannon, being with Ana was almost like stepping back in time, to an old version of himself that he wasn’t all that keen on revisiting. Turns out you can still feel alone, even when there’s someone else sleeping less than a foot away.

Ana was luckily a deep sleeper, but he didn’t want to risk waking her up with his tossing and turning. When the clock glowing beside the bed showed 5AM, he finally gave up trying to sleep and slipped out of bed, taking his phone with him to the kitchen for a glass of water.

He’d switched his phone off last night – Ana suggested it so they wouldn’t be disturbed when they got back from the bar – so he was expecting at least a photo or two on their 118 group chat. Maybe another video clip of Buck singing Eye of the Tiger, though he didn’t think his eardrums could take that again after the first time.

Instead, a voicemail notification came up. Frowning, Eddie’s thoughts immediately jumped to Christopher. What if his abuela tried to call last night, and he’d missed it because he’d blindly followed Ana into bed? They hadn’t even slept together last night, so why didn’t he insist on putting his phone back on in case something went wrong with Christopher? Tense, Eddie dialled voicemail.

“One new message. 3AM.”

“Hey Eddie.”

Buck.

Eddie relaxed briefly, relieved that Christopher had survived the night unscathed. Then his concern spiked again. What was Buck doing calling him at 3AM?

“I know you’ll be busy with Ana – probably why you’re not answering your phone. Must be getting serious, man – she’s coming on nights out, meeting the team, staying over. And that’s great. Because you really deserve to be happy.”

Buck sounded completely wasted. Eddie had seen him throwing back drinks at the bar all night with no small amount of concern. He’d watched him out of the corner of his eye with a frown, wanting to say something, to get him to slow down. But he’d known tonight would test his resolve, and he tried to pour all his attention into Ana instead, to focus on her and block out his hyper-sensitivity to Buck. When Ana suggested after a couple of hours that they take off, Eddie had sagged with relief. As they left, he wondered why he didn’t feel better. He’d done it. He’d kept himself away from Buck, stopped himself doing something stupid that might ruin everything. So why did he feel so hollow?

Maybe because all he’d wanted to do all night was lean across the table and talk to Buck like they always did. To bump shoulders with him and catch his eye. To laugh at the jokes that only they got. To sit so close to him that there was no space between them, and all he could feel was the solid, reassuring warmth of Buck’s body beside him.

“ _Bet you're in the kitchen hoping she don't hear you whisper..._ _j_ _ust admit it”_

Buck was breaking their silent, unacknowledged pact not to talk about that night. Was he alone? Had the rest of the team been listening at the end of the line? What would he have done if Eddie had picked up the phone tonight, or if Ana had?

“ _Do you ever think of me when you lean in to kiss her...do you miss it?”_

Eddie’s free hand clenched the edge of the kitchen counter, as the memory of lying in bed beside Buck came back to him. Of the feel of Buck’s lips and tongue against his, of their bodies intertwined in the dark as his hands roamed over Buck’s skin. His heart thudded against his ribs.

_'Cause I can still feel you, you're everywhere, I can taste your lips, hear your voice in my head_

“And maybe that night meant nothing to you. And I’m sorry if you’re not in the same place I am. But I thought...when you kissed me back...it felt like something more. I felt whole for the first time in a _really_ long time. And then I woke up the next morning, and you acted like nothing had happened.”

Guilt needled like tiny pinpricks across Eddie’s skin.

“And the dumb thing is, I knew you were going to do that. I _knew_. And that’s why I stopped you, when you tried to go further. Because I knew that this would destroy us, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted you so badly, and I’ve hidden it away for so long, but that night I just couldn’t control myself any more. And that’s on me. Because I knew that you would freak out the next day. And now everything’s changed.”

Eddie vaguely noticed that his breathing was coming fast and shallow, that he was tensed like he was under fire, as the words kept coming, each one a direct hit on his heart.

“You’re in my head, you’re under my skin. And I can’t get you out, Eddie.” Buck’s voice cracked with emotion as he struggled through the words. “But it seems there’s no getting over you. I think...I think I’m falling in love with you. _And I know that I should shut my mouth and just hang up the phone, but I still want you. I just thought you should know...”_

Abruptly, the message ended.

Eddie barely registered letting go of his phone until it clattered loudly onto the counter top. With a hiss of Spanish expletives, he snatched it up and darted a glance towards the hallway, straining his ears for any sound of Ana stirring in the bedroom. After a few, agonising moments of silence, he figured he was safe. Eddie’s gaze returned to his phone, heart pounding in his chest. His legs felt unsteady beneath him, like an earthquake had shuddered through the house. As Buck’s words echoed through his head, nothing felt stable anymore.  
  
  
 **6AM – Buck**

Buck didn’t know how long he spent staring at Maddie’s living room ceiling, but he felt confident he could have drawn it from memory by the time he finally fell asleep. Alcohol, usually so reliable at blocking out memories, had failed him this time. Instead, he could recall with near-perfect clarity every word of the voicemail he had left for Eddie.

Eddie. Who would be sleeping beside Ana right now, maybe even with his arms wrapped around her, the way he had wrapped his arms around Buck less than a month ago to soothe the nightmares from his mind. Eddie, who meant everything to him. Eddie, who let him in and then pushed him away.

Tonight had pushed Buck’s endurance over the line. Even if he’d never left that voicemail, he wouldn’t be able to hang out with them on nights out anymore. It was too painful. What was just as painful was the fact that Eddie’s phone was off tonight. He never normally turned his phone off in case of an emergency to do with Christopher. There was only one reason why he’d have done it tonight. Buck’s stomach churned and he fumbled for the wastepaper basket.

When the nausea finally receded, he rubbed an arm across his face and sighed. Well, he’d given Eddie a cast iron excuse to leave him now. He should have realised it would happen sooner or later. Everyone he loved found a reason to leave eventually. First Maddie, then Abby, and now Eddie. Unlike the others, Buck couldn’t resent him for walking away. What was the alternative? Eddie had already tried to brush over that night and carry on as normal. But he couldn’t ignore a full-blown declaration of love, even if it was only in a voicemail. Maybe he’d claim that he never got the message? Buck’s heart jumped with hope at the idea. But the others had all heard him. If Eddie claimed that he never got the message, would they let that slide without bringing it up?

Buck closed his eyes. He had finally done it. Finally pressed self-destruct on the most important relationship in his life. His best friend was going to wake up to a voicemail that ruined everything, and there was nothing Buck could do about it. In fact, it was almost worse to know that he hadn’t heard it yet. It was like laying down dynamite and unravelling an extra-long fuse. Once he’d lit it, the wait for the explosion was almost unbearable.  
  
  
 **7AM – Eddie**

Eddie didn’t go back to bed. He stood, frozen, in his kitchen, echoes of the voicemail ringing in his head until the need to listen to it again properly overwhelmed him. His legs felt like they might give way at any moment as he moved to the edge of the couch to listen to Buck’s message again.

The second time he heard it, it floored him even more than the first. The air in the house suddenly seemed too thick and stuffy, the walls too close. So he crept out into the backyard, which was already filled with dawn light, and sat on the grass, as far from the house as he could, to listen to the message again. It took a long time to regain his composure after that.

By 7AM, Eddie had listened to Buck’s message so many times that he knew the words off by heart. When Ana appeared at the open back door thirty minutes later, her expression caught between concern and annoyance, Eddie started. He had been so absorbed in Buck’s message he’d almost forgotten she was even there. He steeled himself for a difficult conversation, and slowly climbed to his feet.  
  
  
 **8AM – Maddie**

Maddie couldn’t tell if it was pregnancy or nerves that woke her up only four hours after she got to bed. But she left Chimney sleeping and padded softly to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Even in sleep, she could see the frown on her brother’s face. Maddie sighed and watched him as she drank. She had suspected for a while now that Buck’s feelings for Eddie tipped a little over the edge of platonic and friendly. They spent so much time together, both inside and outside the firehouse, they were practically co-parenting Christopher, and they had spare keys to each other’s homes. She saw the way Buck’s face lit up when he spoke about Eddie, saw how proud he was of anything Christopher did, like he was Buck’s own son. But in all that time, she had never been able to get a read on Eddie’s feelings.

Snippets of conversations she’d had with Buck over the last two years jumped out at Maddie as she watched Buck sleep.

Two years ago, when moving into her apartment:

“ _He is so cute!”_

“ _Yeah, he gets that a lot. You should meet his kid though.”_

“ _Chimney has a kid?”_

“ _No, I thought you meant...”_

Two years ago – over a glass of wine at Abby’s old apartment:

“ _So, does this boy crush on Eddie mean that you’re finally ready to move on from Abby?”_

“ _Well he is pretty cute.”_

One year ago – when she was altering Buck’s uniform trousers to fit over his cast so he could be at Eddie’s firefighter graduation.

“ _You shouldn’t even be going, you should be resting.”_

“ _This is more important.”_

Eight months ago – at Eddie’s house just before Christmas.

“ _This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.”_

She hadn’t realised that something had happened between them, and from the looks on their faces Hen and Chimney hadn’t either. Now she thought about it, cataloguing all those little moments, Maddie wasn’t all that surprised. She also thought it made more sense now why Eddie had rushed into this new relationship with Christopher’s teacher.  
  
  
 **9AM – Buck**

“Time to get up, Buckaroo!”

Chimney’s voice was far too chipper for someone who hadn’t got to sleep until past 4AM. Buck had finally slipped into a restless sleep around 6AM. Now he groaned and covered his face with a cushion.

“Do you think Bobby will let me transfer stations today? I don’t even need to come in, you can collect my stuff and drive it to my new fire house.”

“Probably a bit short notice, even where you’re concerned. Come on, I’ll drive. We’ll go via McDonalds and get you a hangover breakfast.”

“Why are you so cheerful? You drank as much as I did last night.”

“Correction, I drank as many _shots_ as you. I was on water from midnight. You were still knocking back the beers until they stopped serving you.”

“Well we can’t all be as sensible as you,” Buck muttered darkly, slowly getting to his feet. “You know what, I think LA’s too small. Do you think Bobby would let me move states?”

“You are _not_ moving states, Evan,” Maddie said sternly, approaching from the kitchen with a large mug of coffee, which she handed to Buck. “You are going into work and you are going to face this. And it will be fine.”

“Yeah, it’s not that bad,” Chim said. “So you told your best friend you were in love with him, over the phone, while you were hammered, and he was at home asleep with his new girlfriend…” He trailed off as Maddie glared at him and Buck sank back onto the sofa and buried his head in his heads. “OK, so it’s pretty bad. But you were drunk! Everyone says dumb stuff when they’re drunk. Just shrug it off. Claim amnesia.”  
“I can’t lie to Eddie.”

 _I just thought, I just thought  
  
  
_ **10AM – Bobby**

“Is everything OK, Eddie? Is Christopher alright?”

A last minute phone call from Eddie calling in some personal time? He was never usually so impulsive unless Christopher was involved.

“Yeah, Christopher’s fine. I just need a few hours, Cap. Sorry it’s such short notice. I’ll explain when I see you.”

“OK. You take the time you need, Eddie. We’ll see you later.”

Bobby hung up with a frown, staring absent-mindedly out over the fire house. If it wasn’t Christopher, what could have caused this complete change in Eddie’s behaviour?

Movement at the doors caught his eye as Buck and Chimney walked in together. Bobby and Athena had chosen date night at home over a night out, and looking at the state of his firefighters this morning he was grateful they had. Hen was currently sleeping at the kitchen table with her head on her arms, and the way Chimney kept step with Buck, watching him closely, was the same way Bobby had seen ranchers trying to tame wild horses, afraid that any sudden movement or wrong word could spook them and make them bolt. What the hell happened last night?

Buck looked like death. He was pale, his eyes darting all over the fire house like he was looking for someone. He clutched a cup of takeout coffee in one hand like it was the only thing keeping him upright. Bobby moved to the railing and leaned over to call to them.

“Good morning.”

They both winced as they looked up. Another two hangovers to add to the list then.

“I just spoke to Eddie. Good night last night?”

Buck shoved his coffee into Chim’s hands and bolted for the bathrooms. Bobby looked at Chim.

“Something I said?”

“Not exactly. More something _he_ said.”

Chim shot him a weary smile and headed for the locker rooms, and Bobby straightened up and headed for the kitchen. He was fairly sure he had all the ingredients for a good hangover breakfast in the fridge. By the looks of it, they were all going to need it if they were going to make it through the day. Suddenly, Eddie’s need for some time off this morning made a bit more sense.

 _I just thought, I just thought  
  
  
_ **11AM – Abuela**

Isobel's eyes narrowed as she opened the front door and caught sight of Eddie, alone and pale, with shadows under his eyes.

“Hey abuela,” he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Is Chris ready to go?”

“You look ill.”

“Thank you, you look well too,” he responded dryly.

“I mean it, Eddie, are you sick?”

“No, I just didn’t sleep well.”

Isobel frowned.

“Christopher is getting dressed. You have time for a coffee.”

“Well I kinda need to get him over to Carla’s so I can get to work...”

“It wasn’t a question, Eddie. Go and see your son, and I will bring us coffee.”

Eddie knew better than to argue. By the time his abuela came to find him in the living room, he had already caught up with Christopher and taken a seat by the window, checking his phone.

“I did not expect you to come here alone today,” Isobel said, switching to Spanish as she set down a tray with two cups of coffee and an orange juice for Christopher. Eddie glanced at his son, and followed her lead, responding in Spanish.

“Ana and I broke up this morning.”

His grandmother nodded slowly. Now the sleep-deprived look made more sense.

“I am sorry to hear that. Can I ask why?”

Eddie flushed.

“I, umm, realised I was...I’m not...my feelings have changed. It wasn’t fair to keep seeing her when I didn’t want to be with her anymore. If I ever really wanted to be with her in the first place.”

Christopher wandered over, and Eddie cut off abruptly and handed him his orange juice.

“Here you go, buddy.”

Isobel watched Eddie closely as he took a gulp of coffee. She couldn’t read sadness on his face over the end of his relationship. But he was nervous, unfocused, almost dazed. His hand frequently jumped to his phone, like he was expecting a text or a call.

“There’s something else you’re not saying.”

It was another statement rather than a question. Eddie sighed.

“It’s Buck.”

Isobel's eyebrow arched.

“Did you have a row?”

“No. We’ve barely spoken the past month. He’s been avoiding me since I started seeing Ana. We, umm, well...about a month ago, something happened...”

Eddie trailed off, blushing furiously. Was there any way of broaching this topic with his abuela without dying on the spot of sheer embarrassment?

“Do you love him?”

Well that answered that question.

Eddie gawped at her and Isobel smiled.

“I may be getting older, but I’m not blind.”

Eddie shook his head faintly.

“And how long have you, umm, been able to see this...?”

His abuela smiled enigmatically and took a sip of coffee. She tilted her face to the sunlight streaming in through the window and half-closed her eyes, soaking in the rays as she answered.

“When you moved to California, your parents thought it was reckless and selfish. I was afraid for you. Not because I thought you could not look after Christopher, but because raising a child alone is hard, let alone with a dangerous and demanding job like yours. I am not as young as I used to be, and although I am so grateful to have you here and to share in Christopher’s life, I am unable to help as much as I would like.”

Isobel turned her head to look at Eddie.

“But then you met Buck. And he brought you to Carla. And that woman, that saint, has been a lifeline. And Buck filled every other gap that we could not.”

She set down her coffee cup and her gaze moved across the room to Christopher.

“Buck is kind and generous and loyal. I watch him with Christopher, and it could not be clearer how much he loves that boy, like he was his own son. He gave his whole heart to the two of you from the very beginning. I saw it in his eyes the first time I met him. The compassion and concern as he watched you with Christopher.”

“I couldn’t imagine life here in LA without him,” Eddie admitted, a faint smile on his lips. Then it faded to worry. “Abuela, I hurt Buck. I said some things I didn’t mean and pushed him away, and then I started dating Ana...Buck’s my best friend, and I was afraid to lose him. I thought I was doing the right thing, the expected thing, by dating Ana. I was wrong.”

“I see.”

“You do?”

“Yes. You are afraid of your feelings, because they are not what you expected for yourself. But just because your feelings are not ‘traditional’, Eddie, does that make them wrong? You have done things the traditional way before. You married a woman and had a child with her. Tell me, were you happy?”

Eddie darted a glance at Chris. Having realised they weren’t leaving by straight away, he had managed to sneak back to his drawing table with a fresh sheet of paper and a stack of brightly coloured pens, and was determinedly ignoring them in the hope he could carry on drawing without being noticed.

“I loved Shannon, and she’s Christopher’s mother,” Eddie replied carefully, wary that Christopher’s Spanish might be better than he let on. His son didn’t even look up at his name or his mother’s name, too absorbed in his drawing.

“Yes, and those things will never change,” Isobel said. “I do not doubt that you and Shannon loved each other. But your relationship was like a tornado. It tore through your lives and left destruction and pain in its wake. Buck is like sunshine after the storm. When the sun comes out, you can’t help but smile. And that’s what Buck does to you and Christopher. He walks into a room and he lights it up. And for all the love you shared with Shannon, I never saw you happy with her the way you are with Buck.”

“We were at each other’s throats so often, I can’t really remember when we were happy anymore,” Eddie admitted. “It was always such a struggle. With Buck, everything is easy. Well, most of the time.” His face softened. “He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“You haven’t answered my question. Do you love him?”

Eddie stared out of the window.

“I’ve asked myself that same question and haven’t been able to answer it.”

Isobel sat back in her chair and regarded Eddie closely.

“Love finds us in whatever form it chooses. The only choice we have is whether to accept it or reject it.” She paused, and lifted her cup again. “Truthfully, I thought that something like this would happen much sooner.”

Eddie’s head snapped round.

“You did?” He shook his head. “I must have missed the memo.”

Isobel nodded and sipped her coffee.

“When you told me what happened on Santa Monica pier, how Buck saved Christopher from the tsunami, how he shielded his gaze from the dead and how he searched relentlessly for him when they became separated...Buck’s actions that day showed me not just how much he loved Christopher, but also how much he loved you.”

A soft smile turned up the corners of Eddie’s lips.

“I guess it just took me a while to catch on.”

Isobel reached over and placed a hand on top of Eddie’s.

“Not every relationship ends in failure, Eddie. Those that are built on foundations of love, and trust, and friendship, can weather any storm. You have been building a relationship and a family with Buck since the day you met.”

 _I just thought you should know  
  
  
_ **12PM – Hen**

After a hangover breakfast, Bobby despatched his depleted team to clean the vehicles, with a silent prayer that they wouldn’t get any calls in until at least the halfway mark of their 12 hour shift, so there was a chance their collective blood alcohol level might have dropped to something resembling sober. Buck sloped off by himself to clean their fire truck, so Hen and Chim took the opportunity to debrief on the night before in the back of the ambulance while they restocked it.

“How was Buck when you got him back to Maddie’s?” Hen asked.

“He threw up. A lot. I thought at one point I might have two Buckleys throwing up in the same apartment at the same time...”

“Nasty. Karen got me back for coming in so late by sending Denny in to sing me awake at 7am.”

“Ouch. What song?”

“The Bear Necessities. We’re on a _Jungle Book_ binge at the moment.”

Chimney laughed.

“Oof, no one needs that on a hangover. At least it wasn’t _Frozen_.”

“Tell me about it,” Hen laughed, standing to check their supply of latex gloves. “Now I know why we never stay out past midnight anymore.” She glanced out the door of the ambulance to check for Buck, then down at Chim, who was sat on the gurney counting burns dressings. “Have you heard from Eddie?”

“No, I was gonna ask you.”

“Did you know something had happened with them?”

Chim pulled a wry smile.

“You think I’d have been able to keep it to myself if I had? It would have been a race to see who I told first, you or Maddie.”

“Fair point.” Hen narrowed her eyes at him. “Though FYI, the answer to that question had better be me.”

Chim grinned up at her.

“Well, obviously. I can’t gossip about Buck’s sex life with his own sister.”

Hen laughed and started restocking bandages. Mid-way through she stopped and sighed, and turned back to her best friend.

“Eddie’s gotta feel the same way Buck does, right? I mean, we can all see it.”

“You can. I can. Maddie can. Bobby can. Athena can. _Random strangers_ we meet on a job can. But you’re talking about _Buck_ and _Eddie_. What happens when clueless meets oblivious?”

“Fair point.”

 _I just thought you should know  
  
  
_ **1PM – Christopher**

Dad was in a strange mood today. Christopher watched him out of the corner of his eye while he was drawing. He spoke to abuela for a while in rapid Spanish, too fast for him to keep up with most of it. Then Dad loaded Chris and his things into the truck and set off for Carla’s. He didn’t look angry or sad, but Christopher didn’t have a name for the emotion he saw. It made him quiet though. He stared ahead into the traffic, distracted, not talking to Christopher like he normally would, and glanced at his phone every few minutes though, like he was waiting for someone to call.

“Are you OK, Dad?”

His dad started, like he’d forgotten Christopher was even there.

“Umm, yeah. Sorry, buddy. Just had a weird day.”

He stared at the road ahead for a moment, then spoke again.

“Umm, Ana and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. She’s just going to be your teacher now. I hope that’s OK.”

He grimaced as he looked at Christopher, so Christopher hid his smile in case his dad was upset, but secretly he was pleased. He hadn’t approved of his dad dating Miss Flores. She belonged at school, not at home.

“Were you and abuela talking about Buck?” he asked instead.

“We were.”

Was his dad blushing? His face looked redder when he said Buck’s name.

“Why hasn’t Buck come to see us lately?”

“Umm, well, he was giving us space while I was seeing Ana.”

“So he still likes us?”

His dad shot a quick, reassuring glance at him.

“Of course he does. I just...” he looked away, back at the slow-moving traffic in front of them. “I wasn’t free to hang out with Buck so much when I was seeing Ana.”  
“So can we go and see him again, now that you’re not seeing Miss Flores anymore?” Christopher asked. “I drew a new picture for him.”

“Oh yeah? Is it as good as the one you did of the two of you as astronauts on the moon?

In answer, Christopher unfolded the drawing and showed him.

Christopher had drawn him with his dad and Buck. They were camping, something Buck had often talked about them doing. His dad had always been reluctant, and glanced at Chris when he did, like he was worried his son couldn’t keep up with them. So Christopher drew the picture to prove that he was strong enough for them to all go camping together.

In the drawing, his dad and Buck stood either side of Christopher. A campfire burned brightly in front of them, and a tent was pitched off to one side. The mountains soared behind them under a blue sky, and they all wore wide, matching smiles. In a cloud at the top of the picture, Chris had written two words.

_My Family._

His dad stared at the picture for a long time.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, Chris. It’s great.”

Dad’s voice was quiet, heavy with that strange emotion Christopher didn’t quite understand. But he decided to ask him an important question, one that he had been sitting on since they left abuela’s.

“Do you love Buck?”

He wasn’t imagining it. He definitely saw Dad blush that time.

“I thought you couldn’t keep up with Spanish?” he said accusingly.

“I know _some_ Spanish. Abuela said ‘lo amas?’ That means ‘do you love him?’, doesn’t it?”

Dad shook his head.

“I have _got_ to stop abuela from letting you watch telenovelas with her.”

He stared out at the road once more as if coming to a decision, then glanced over at his son.

“OK.”

Dad pulled in to the parking lot of a Taco Bell, shut off the engine and twisted to face him.

“Christopher, you like Buck don’t you? You wouldn’t mind if he spent a bit more time with us? Like, a lot more time with us?”

That was an easy question. Chris nodded enthusiastically.

“I love Buck. He’s my best friend.”

His dad smiled, and his whole face softened.

“Yeah. Me too.”

 _I just thought, I just thought  
  
  
_ **2PM – Carla**

Eddie looked different today. And he was late, which never happened. And he was alone. Carla had a good memory, and she knew that Ana was supposed to be dropping Christopher off with him.

“You alone today?” she asked.

“Umm, yeah. Ana and I broke up.”

It took some effort for Carla to keep her expression neutral. From the first time she caught Eddie making doe eyes at Ana across the table at parent-teacher evening, she had known that something was going to happen between them. Eddie was quite the catch: military hero, firefighter, widowed single father raising his disabled son alone...he was every straight woman’s dream. All it would take was him working up the nerve to ask her out. But he’d thrown in the towel after less than a month. Ana seemed like everything Eddie could ever want in a woman.

So maybe the problem was just that.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Can I get you a drink?”

“I probably shouldn’t, my abuela dosed me up with caffeine already.”

“Eddie, you look like you took a football to the head. I’m sure one more coffee won’t do any more damage.”

“Thanks...”

Carla contained herself until they were sat in the kitchen and Christopher was watching TV.

“So, what happened?” she asked, trying very hard to keep her tone casual and falling miles short.

“Really, Carla, we’re doing this?”

Carla gave up on subtlety and raised an eyebrow.

“You ended it with the woman I thought was going to end up your second wife. I’m guessing you have a good reason for it.”

Eddie frowned.

“You knew I’d ended it?”

“Well she sure wasn’t going to give up a fine piece of man meat like you willingly.”

Eddie grimaced and shook his head, embarrassed.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” he muttered, and sipped his coffee to avoid answering her right away. When he did, it took just one word.

“Buck.”

“Ah.”

“What do you mean, _ah_? Did _everyone_ know?”

“I knew how _he_ felt. I just wasn’t sure where you were at.”

Eddie shook his head and took another swig of coffee.

“Something happened between us. About a month ago. And I blew it off and pretended it was just a drunken mistake.”

“Oh, _Eddie_.”

“I know. It was dumb. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I was afraid of admitting how I felt.”

“Oh Eddie. Did you think it was a secret? Even Abby knows how you feel!”

That threw him. Though Carla didn’t miss the flare of Eddie’s nostrils at Abby’s name.

“Excuse me?”

“I still keep in touch with Abby, and we went for coffee when she was last in LA. She told me about the train car derailment, and told me all about Buck’s partner, Diaz, who couldn’t stop staring at him or glaring at her all night.”

Carla arched an eyebrow at Eddie and smirked.

“Oh, jealously is not a good look on you, Eddie. So, what happened last night?”

“He might have called me at 3AM and told me that...he’s in love with me.”

“Hold the front page,” Carla said dryly. Eddie frowned at her, confused. “Well of course he is, Eddie.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“He didn’t have to. It’s written all over his face every time he looks at you.”

Eddie dropped his head, a soft smile on his face.

“And I just have to look at your face now to know that the feeling’s mutual.”

Eddie’s smile faded and he looked up at Carla.

“I haven’t spoken to him yet. I’ve barely spoken to him in a month. How do I fix this? Have I screwed this up already?”

Carla shook her head.

“Buck will forgive you. But you’d better get your ass down to that fire house and make things right.”

Eddie nodded slowly.

“ _Now_ , Eddie!”

"Right."

Eddie leapt to his feet.

“Christopher, I’ve gotta go! Love you buddy.”

He scooped his son up, hugged and kissed him and settled him back on the couch.

“Are you going to go and tell Buck that you love him?”

Carla laughed and answered for him.

“Yes, he is,” she said.

“You’re a bad influence, Carla,” Eddie called over his shoulder as he left.

“I want an invite to the wedding!”  
  
  
 **3PM – Buck**

Having thrown up everything in his stomach until the acid burn of bile in his throat was all he could taste, Buck had managed to keep down Bobby’s hangover breakfast. Mercifully, they were yet to get a call. He’d cleaned the truck and hung out the fire hoses, hidden every time someone walked through the station doors, and wondered every other minute where Eddie was.

Finally, he voiced his fears to Hen and Chimney. He’d already embarrassed himself beyond all repair in front of them at 3AM. May as well use them as a sounding board now. And, once he started, Buck couldn’t seem to stop talking, nerves running his mouth.

“I mean, I get why he’s not spoken to me. But why isn’t he here? And why didn’t he tell either of you? Maybe he’s sick? Maybe Christopher’s sick? Maybe he’s taken the day off so _he_ can switch stations. Or so he can spend more time with Ana.”

_I'm so happy that you're happy with her (wait, that's a lie)_

Buck’s phone vibrated across the table with an incoming call, and he nearly jumped out of his seat.

“Jesus, Buck,” Chim hissed. Then his expression shifted to worry. Buck’s face had drained of colour, eyes wide with horror as he stared at the name on his phone screen. Hen and Chimney leaned over to see for themselves. Eddie.

“Answer it,” Chim said instantly.

“I can’t. He’s going to be so mad. Maybe that’s why he’s not in. He’s giving me time to pack my things and leave. He’s too angry to be in the same room as me.”

“That’s not what he said to me on the phone,” Bobby said, making them all jump as he appeared from the kitchen. “He said he had to take a couple of hours for something personal this morning, but he’d be in later.”

Hen and Chim exchanged looks, and Buck stared at them all worriedly.

“‘Something personal’? What does that mean, Bobby? Did he say anything else?”

Bobby shook his head.

“What did I miss last night?”

“We’ll fill you in later,” Chimney muttered.

“Answer the damn phone!” Hen hissed.

“Fine!” Buck huffed. He lifted his phone gingerly from the table like it might explode in his hand, and answered the call.

“Go for Buck,” he said shakily.

“We really need to talk about you copying Bobby’s phrases.”

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Good afternoon Buck. How’s your head?”

Not what he was expecting first.

“Umm…?”

“Because from how wasted you sounded in your voicemail, seems like you had a pretty good time last night.”

Buck felt his face flush with embarrassment, and he stood, chair screeching back behind him.

“Uh yeah...not that much fun, actually. Especially not this morning.”

The others weren’t even trying not to eavesdrop on his half of the conversation. Hen and Chimney’s eyes bored into him as if they might actually be able to read his mind if they stared hard enough. Buck turned his back on them.

“So...you heard that?” he said quietly, heart sinking as the last bit of hope that his message had somehow self-destructed on its way to Eddie’s phone died.

“I did. At 5AM, no less.”

“Right. Umm...”

Eddie interrupted before Buck could form anything more coherent.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t in work this morning, but when you get a voicemail from your best friend telling you that he’s...well, I needed some time to think. Doesn’t mean I didn’t nearly call or text you about ten times, though.”

_Almost called you, tried to text you like a million times._

“Buck...did you mean what you said in your message?”

“Look, it doesn’t matter, Eddie, because I know you’re not in that place, and I never would have said anything if I hadn’t been so wasted...”

“Who says you know where I am? Just answer the question, Buck.”

Buck hesitated. He prided himself on being able to read Eddie pretty well most of the time. But, over the phone, hungover and terrified that he was about to lose his best friend, he couldn’t see straight to work out how this might go. Was Eddie just trying to gauge how mad he should be at Buck? Would he tell him that he didn’t want to see him again, that he didn’t want Buck seeing Christopher anymore? But he’d already come this far...what was the point in hiding his feelings now?

“Yeah...I meant it. Every word.”

Buck heard a whoosh of air at the other end of the phone as Eddie exhaled. He let out a shaky breath himself, and walked slowly to the balcony overlooking the fire house.

“I’m sorry that I acted like that night meant nothing,” Eddie said. “It meant a lot to me, Buck. When I woke up the next morning, all I wanted to do was kiss you awake and follow up where we’d left off. But then I got scared.”

Buck leaned against the balcony railing for support, hanging on every word with a mix of terror and hope.

“I’ve only ever been with women,” Eddie continued. “I didn’t think I could be attracted to a guy. I’d never even thought about it...and then I met you. And you confused everything I thought I knew about myself. Because you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I wasn’t sure if I was just lonely and drunk and confusing being friends with something more.

And that’s why I jumped into this relationship with Ana. I thought I could fix how I felt and how I’d messed up our friendship by doing the expected thing. But it was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done. It wasn’t fair to her or you. I’m so sorry, Buck. I never meant for you to get hurt. I was lying to myself, to both of you.”

_I can still feel you, you're everywhere_

“After my son, you are the most important person in my life, Buck. And it took me until now to realise it. And all I’d have had to do was look around me. You’re everywhere. Pictures Christopher has drawn of you, of the three of us. Cards he’s made you. Magnets on the fridge from day trips we’ve been on. Gifts you’ve brought him. Chris’s skateboard, that you researched and helped me put together. I meant it when I said that you’re a part of our family. You made our family whole again, Buck.”

_I can taste your lips, hear your voice in my head_

“That night is burned into my brain. I remember it all. I remember how your lips felt, how you tasted, how much I wanted you. I’ve never felt so out of control, but nothing I’ve done has ever felt so right.”

_And I know that I should shut my mouth and just hang up the phone. But I still want you_

Buck’s stomach lurched as Eddie stepped into view through the doors of the fire house. He caught sight of Buck, and a smile curved across his lips. For a few seconds, they just stared at each other. Then Eddie continued.

“Nothing happened with me and Ana last night. I broke up with her this morning. She might actually flunk Christopher now,” he joked wryly. “That’s why I asked Bobby for some personal time. That, and to get my head straight. I had to work out how I felt about...everything.”

“And?” Buck asked, barely daring to breath.

“And I spoke to abuela. And Carla. And Christopher. And they told me that you were the best thing to happen to me and Chris, and that I would be the world’s biggest fool to throw that away.”  
Buck laughed, and Eddie smiled up at him, before a more serious expression replaced it.

“And they said that I should listen to my heart, not some conventional expectation of what a family should look like, what love should look like.”

_I can still feel you, you're everywhere. I can taste your lips, hear your voice in my head_

“I told you that night I’d still want you in the morning. I did, I was just too afraid to say it. I’m not afraid anymore, Buck. I still want you, and if you want me, I’m yours. Because...I think I’m falling in love with you too.”

_And I know that I should shut my mouth and just hang up the phone, but I still want you. I just thought you should know._

Buck was halfway down the stairs before his brain even registered he was moving. His legs shook so badly he wasn’t sure they’d support him, but somehow he reached ground level and strode across the floor between the fire trucks. Eddie padded towards him, phone still to his ear.

As Buck stopped in front of him, Eddie smiled.

 _“I just thought you should know,”_ he said, and ended the call.

For a few moments, they just stood, drinking in the sight of each other after a month of determinedly avoiding each other’s eye.

“I’m not mad at you, Buck,” Eddie said quietly. “I never was. I was scared and stupid, but I’m here now.”

“I forgive you,” Buck said. “That’s what being part of a team means, right?”

Eddie smiled to hear his own words repeated back to him. He took a step closer to Buck, just close enough to be in his space without actually touching him.

“I’ve never done this before, Buck. I’m not sure how this will work.”

“Neither have I. But we’ll figure it out as we go. I’ve got your back, Eddie, for as long as you have mine.”

Eddie smiled.

“Deal.”

And he closed the gap between them, cupped Buck’s face in his hands and kissed him, as their teammates whooped and cheered from the balcony above.

“Finally!”

“Someone call the fire department, it’s getting hot in here!”

Buck and Eddie broke apart long enough for Buck to give them the finger, laughing it off. Then he darted a worried look at Eddie.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Eddie caught his gaze and held it. He rested one hand on Buck’s shoulder, the other at his waist, anchoring them to each other.

“I thought it would be harder than this. I was afraid to think it, afraid to say it out loud for so long. But standing here in front of you, it couldn’t be easier. I’m all in, Evan.”

Buck’s face lit up in a shy smile.

“Oh, you need to _warn me_ before you bring out lines like that, Diaz.”

And he pulled Eddie back to him as their lips collided once more. They didn’t stop until the alarm rang for their next call.

From their balcony viewpoint above them, Hen and Chim grinned at each other. Chimney had his phone out, filming the scene below to send to Maddie. She would watch it later that evening and burst into tears, before ringing Buck to cry and laugh and shout joyfully down the phone at him. Bobby appeared beside Hen and Chim with a bemused expression at the commotion, which cleared as soon as he peered over their shoulders.

“Looks like I have some paperwork to fill out,” he said with a smile. “And Athena owes me twenty bucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this it got a little bit fluffy by the end...hopefully it makes up for the ending of Part 1!
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone who commented on Part 1 and left kudos. You put the biggest smile on my face! This story has been a joy to work on, and I really hope you enjoyed reading it.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the angst-heavy ending. This is a two-parter, and I promise all will be resolved in Part 2! This is also my first completed Buddie fanfic, so I hope you enjoyed it! I’ve tried really hard to make it realistic to the show and the characters, but I live in the UK not the US, so apologies for any glaring cultural errors.


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